“Whoa, and yes! That was epic….This guy’s a keeper!…from learning how to find and play the hell of the g-spot…BRAVO!”
A Quick Bio
I often fantasize about traveling back in time to tell my fifteen-year-old self about my life as it is now. That horny, skinny kid was racked by all the normal insecurities teenagers feel about their bodies and themselves. But he was also a recent immigrant from Hong Kong trying to master English and find his way in a society where Asian men seemed to be sexually invisible or worse, saddled with negative stereotypes. Through porn and other societal conditioning, I was hoodwinked into believing that my average-sized penis was somehow inadequate.
“Through porn and other societal conditioning, I was hoodwinked into believing that my average-sized penis was somehow inadequate.”
I like to think about the look on my younger self’s face when I tell him that he will one day earn a living as a sex educator and that the knowledge he will impart will be drawn from a wealth of rich, explorative, informative and life-affirming sexual experience.
The fifteen-year-old me would look back at me in slack-jawed disbelief but in fact he was then just months away from taking the first step towards this incredibly exciting, rewarding, life-affirming vocation.
See, when I was sixteen, I decided to get fit. I adopted a nerdy, collaborative and bootstrapping strategy in the aim of transforming my physique. I read everything I could on the subject, consulted with experts, and used myself as a human guinea pig — discovering the techniques that yielded the best results firsthand.
With this “life-hacking” strategy, my goal was to develop creative and effective ways to manage my time and energy for the highest gains, always trying to figure out what the “minimum effective dose” was. I achieved my fitness goals then surpassed them. Ultimately, I lost enough fat and gained enough muscle to become a physique competitor. And because the models I developed could be used by other people, I was fairly easy for me to transition into getting others towards their goals in the guise of a personal trainer and fitness professional.
With this “life-hacking” strategy, my goal was to develop creative and effective ways to manage my time and energy for the highest gains, always seeking for the “minimum effective dose.”
But although I was in shape, I was still deeply insecure and quite clueless about sex and dating. I’d thought that having great physique would be the answer but I was wrong. It didn’t get me much closer to the sex life, the love life I yearned for.
The better part of a decade passed before my sex hacking journey got underway. I was in my late 20s and although I was a lover of novelty, had been a serial monogamist ever since losing my virginity some eight years before. Then, I was ushered into the sex-positive community by a girlfriend and discovered a world of endless sexual possibilities. Very quickly, my sexual palate was expanded beyond my wildest dreams. This was the world in which I wanted to live but in order to feel like I belonged there, I knew I had some catching up to do.
Naturally, I applied the same hacking techniques from my fitness success to my sex life, using self-experimentation to sift through the best sex hacks and pleasure-giving techniques. Finding myself in the sex positive community meant that I had the unique opportunity to learn from master sex educators, sex workers, and sex party veterans. Quickly, I developed a collection of the most effective techniques and sexual practices and as my competency grew, so did my confidence. Feeling good about my ability to make others feel good was the key to the sex life I’d fantasized about. I soon realized that, as with fitness, I could share information that would help others to become more confident and competent sex partners. I put myself on that path.
I applied the same hacking techniques from my fitness success to my sex life.
I’ve been busy in the five or six years since then; I co-founded the globally-recognized intentional sex-positive community, Hacienda Villa; I teamed up with Dr. Zhana Vrangalova to work on The Casual Sex Project; I’ve been a featured presenter for the Sexual Health Expo (SHE) and New York University; and my projects have been featured in Playboy, New York Magazine, The Huffington Post, Men’s Health, Women’s Health, and Cosmopolitan. I continue to study new insights and perspectives on sex, from tantra to kink to peer-reviewed research from some of the world’s most renowned institutions. I travel all over the world sharing what I’ve learned at retreats, events, and conferences. My teaching style is perhaps best described as a combination of Tim Ferriss, Martha Stewart, and Bruce Lee.
I am passionate about sharing the best of what I’ve learned and helping people discover new ways to play. I want to help people experience pleasure they didn’t even know was possible. I tell them what would say to my younger self: that being an outstanding lover is a skill that can be learned, that sexual insecurities can be overcome and that perceived weaknesses can be turned into incredible strengths.
Being an outstanding lover is a skill that can be learned, that sexual insecurities can be overcome and that perceived weaknesses can be turned into incredible strengths.
I want to thank you for visiting me here, for supporting my work and helping me to bring sex education out of the darkness and into the light.